Spending days in isolation surrounded by mostly bad news, I was looking for something that would give me a good, pain-in-my-cheeks laugh. A friend recommended the Canadian TV show Letterkenny and said, “trust me, you’ll get hooked right away. I’m telling you, you’ll be spitting out Shoresy quotes in no time.”
When I first heard the fast dialogues full of slang, I thought to myself, “only Canadians can understand this.” But I decided to stick with it and soon enough, picking up on the meaning became second nature. For a moment, I even felt like a true Canadian!
Truth be told, it was Shoresy — brilliantly portrayed by Jared Keeso — that made me love this sitcom with his hilarious one-liners. That’s why I decided to share with you my favorite Shoresy quotes — whether you’re a fan of the show or not, they’re sure to give you a good laugh!
31 Hilarious Shoresy Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Your Behind Off
Classic Shoresy Quotes
1. “Fight me, see what happens.”
“Oh yeah? What’s gonna happen, Shoresy?”
“Three things: I hit you, you hit the pavement, and I j*rk off on your driver’s side door handle.”
2. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?”
3. “I wish you weren’t so fuckin’ awkward, bud.”
4. “Your life’s so fucking pathetic, I ran a charity 15k to raise awareness for it.”
5. “I’m coming, Shoresy!”
“Heard the same thing, bud, from your mom seven times, and that’s not even my record, ya fucking loser.”
6. “But, Mr. Hockey?”
“Suck my Mr. Cocky, ya fucking loser.”
7. “Fuck you, Reilly, your mom molested me two Halloweens ago, shut the fuck up or I’m taking it to Twitter.”
Shoresy Quotes to the Hockey Players
8. “Oh, I wouldn’t say shit if my mouth was full of it.”
9. Jonesy: “Fuck you, Shoresy, you’re a terrible fucking ref!”
Shoresy: “Fuck you, Jonesy, your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you!”
10. “Fuck you, Jonesy! Your mom just liked my Instagram post from two years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes.”
11. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh, I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sportin’ now.”
12. “Our dad says guys with big trucks have little dinks. And that makes sense, ‘cuz you want a real big truck and got a real little dink.”
13. “Fuck, lemony snicket, what a series of unfortunate events you fuckin’ been through, you ugly fuck.”
14. “Got any more of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it.”
15. Reilly: “Fuck you, Shoresy! Put a shirt on.”
Shoresy: “Fuck you, Reilly, go scoop it off your mom’s floor! She gives my nipples butterfly kisses.”
16. “Give yer balls a tug.”
17. “I made your mom so wet, Trudeau had to deploy a 24-hour national guard unit to stack sandbags around my bed.”
18. “Fuck you, Reilly! Your mom tried to stick her finger in my bum, but I said I only let Jonesy’s do that.”
19. “Fuck you, Reilly, your mom ugly cried because she left the lens cap on the camcorder last night.”
The Best Jonesy vs. Shoresy Quotes
20. “Fuck you, Jonesy. Tell your mom to top up the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late night.”
21. Shoresy: “Fuck you Reilly! Fight me, see what happens.”
Jonesy: “What’s going to happen?”
Shoresy: “Three things: I hit you, you hit the pavement, ambulance hits 60.”
22. “Fuck you, Jonesy, I made your mom cum so hard that they made a Canadian heritage minute out of it and Don McKellar played my dick.”
23. “Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom shot cum straight across the room and killed my Siamese fighting fish, threw off the pH levels in my aquarium.”
24. “Ariana Grande looks like she’s eight, titfucker. I’m giving the preschool your plate number.”
Reilly and Jonesy: “Shoresy?”
Shoresy: “And Gretz’s daughter’s a married woman, you classless piece of shit. She wouldn’t fuck you if you had Mario’s dangles and Messier’s dick!”
25. “Reilly, I made an oopsie, can you tell your mom to pick up Jonesy’s mom on the way over to my place? I double booked them by mistake, you fuckin’ loser.”
26. “Fuck you, Jonesy, tell your mom I drained the bank account she set up for me. Top it up so I can get some fucking KFC.”
27. “Fuck you, Betty-Ann, your breath’s so bad it gave me an existential crisis — it made me question my whole life.”
28. “I didn’t say any of that shit, you dumb broads, but I did say your breath could stop a Mack truck, Betty-Anne. I’ll tell that to anyone who will listen.”
29. “Fuck you, Jonesy, tell your mom to leave me alone, she’s been laying on my waterbed since Labour Day.”
30. “Shoulda heard your mom last night, she sounded like my great aunt when I pop in for a surprise visit, like, ‘Oooh!’”
31. “Your life’s so pathetic, I get a Canadian tax credit just for spending time with you, ya fuckin’ loser!”
Final Words
Although we never see his face, we all know what Shoresy looks like. Why? Chances are we all have our very own ‘Shoresy’ among our group of friends. His witty comebacks are both funny and brilliant. It’s no wonder fans of the show have come to quote him so much!
If you’re feeling down and need a little pick-me-up, this list of Shoresy quotes will always be here for you (even if you don’t have time to watch the whole show).